The Illustrious Ya

TO MY MOST OUT OF THE WAY READERS:  I have a request which no amount of Google can solve for me.
I know this alien suicide cult is real because I watched an A&E show about them.  But I cannot find information about them on the internet.  I will never ever forget what I watched.  The cult believed that space aliens would come down to bring them up into the mothership.  So they eventually all got together for their happy reunion (suicide), completely ready for their life in alien paradise.  They put on matching light blue tracksuits, matching space-shoes (air jordans), and each cultist had a large bag of quarters to work the alien vending machines on the mothership.  Because there was only that one catch to alien heaven, that you had to have quarters to work the vending machines on the alien ship to get your ambrosia and stuff.  I actually don't remember if they succeeded in drinking their stasis-potions (special kool-aid), or if the police raided them before it was too late, but I know these people are real. Only I have no idea what their name is, and can't find information about them on the internet.  If anyone here knows about the alien vending machine cult, PLEASE TELL ME.
DISREGARD THAT I SUCK AT SEARCHING; it was HEAVEN'S GATE
I was so sure that it wasn't heaven's gate that I ignored all the links that talked about Heaven's Gate. It was Heaven's Gate.  Also, their track suits were black, and they only had a five dollar bill and three quarters.
Still.  Alien vending machines, folks.  And I may be messed up, but to me, the thought of sending an "away team" up to the aliens, complete with matching suits and shoes, and little armbands with their Heaven's Gate rainbow logo plus away team printed on them, all ready to go to the spaceship where they'll be in heaven arm and arm working with the happy aliens and buying things out of vending machines is just so CUTE to me. :3  Of course, they committed suicide systematically, which is not cool. :<

Oh, Heaven's Gate, you will always be the Alien Vending Machine Cult to me.


And also today, I watched If These Walls Could Talk 1&2.  I believe 1 is superior.  Although the subject of Lesbian rights (the subject of 2) is very important, the movie was alltogether too happy go lucky for me.  I felt that the issue of abortion as dealt with in 1 was granted more timbre and sophistication.  In 1, abortion was treated as a very serious life changing topic that had no right answer.  In 2, lesbianism was treated as YAAAAY LESBIAAAANS!  Oh, yeah, it's sometimes hard to be a lesbian when they deny us rights as next of kin or if we can't get our partners pregnant but YAAAAAY LESBIANS OTHER THAN THAT LESBIANS HAVE NO PROBLEMS EVER AND ARE PERFECT BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE.  Now, mind my words: lesbians are people.  People come in good and bad.  That includes lesbians.  Considering that I was born a girl (damn shame) and like girls, I am sympathetic to the plight of the lesbian, but I don't think If these walls could talk 2 dealt with Lesbianism in a very well-rounded matter.  Not all lesbians are nice or have good intentions, JUST LIKE ALL OTHER PEOPLE.  I'd take Lesbianism more seriously in this movie is it was treated in the same adult manner as abortion was in the first film.  It would have been nice to deal with things such as fake lesbians / daddy's-money lesbians, the pain of discovering one is a lesbian and that social ostracism, a lesbian caught in a loveless hetero marriage, the rising tide of lesbians marrying gays to put on appearances for their folks, and other such issues.  Now the first segment of two, with the two old ladies being unable to care for each other when the one goes to the hospital (because her lover wasn't recognised as her next of kin) was the most effective, because it was the most adult and dealt with an issue that was both political, fixable, and relateable to non-lesbians.  Also, I can see the likelihood of one house hosting three women who would have to deal with abortion in their lives, but srsly what is the likelihood of one house being occupied over time by not two, but eight lesbians over time, two couples of whom were in loving, long-term marriage-like relationships?  SO in sum, I love lesbians, no srsly I do, but I think If these walls could talk 2 was an inferior film when compared to If These Walls Could Talk 1.
And you should all see If These Walls COuld Talk 1. It'll stick with you.

Is it too much for Che Conlangua to ask that you come up with some reasonably sane roman orthography for your conlang? Che has seen the best, he's seen the worst; he's created both good and bad orthographies in his time. As an avid conlanger and reader of others' conlangs (I'm addicted to reading passages of other peoples' conlangs aloud), Che Conlangua has an appreciation of conlangs. It is for this reason of love and fandom that Che is unhappy to start out this orthography trashbin with a critical analysis of one of conlanging's biggest columns: Teonaht.

Before we begin, a shout out to Arahu: nice use of umlaut for palletal-glides.

To introduce the subject of orthography, I will re-list Che Conlagua's arbitrary rules of conlang orthography:
1. DO NOT use punctuation to represent phonemes other than the glottal plosive.
2. DO TRY to hold to a one letter one phoneme standard.
3. DO NOT make up new letter forms.
4. TRY NOT TO use rare letter forms IF you want to publish your conlang in ASCII.
5. DO NOT use counter-intuitive letter forms and/or digraphs.

Teonaht breaks rule 5.
Although Teonaht is very good on all other counts, it insists on doing something quite counter-intuitive: placing the h before the sound it modifies. Th becomes ht, sh becomes hs. Why? To be different I guess. As well, it breaks its own rules. The fricatives regularly use h except for /j/ representing [Z]. Then in the affricatives, we have /c/ for [tS] but /dj/ for [dZ]. Why not follow the other letters and have /hz/ for [z] and /j/ for [dZ]? Then the orthography goes on to have /w/ for [w] but /u/ for [j], breaking all intuitive rules. Since /y/ is used for a vowel, it's understandable that it couldn't be used for [j], but why not follow a slew of other languages and use /i/? The answer to that is that after Teonaht's disastrous vowel system, /u/ is a leftover letter that can be used for [j]. But Che!!, you say, Che, does Teonaht just not have a [u] sound; why would it have /u/ left over. Well, the answer to that is that:
Teonaht breaks rule 4.
Teonaht has eight vowels. Being three more than the PALTRY selection of the roman alphabet, it is understandable that some improvisations have to be made. But teonaht makes almost all the wrong fixes. Teonaht spells [u] as /õ/, originally a sign in portugese for a nasal [u]. But since Teonaht [u] is not nasalised, and it could bloody well use /u/ for [u], it just leaves me sad and agitated. Teonaht very sensibly distinguishes [I] and [i] with /i/ and /y/ respectively, so props there. But it then decides to use û for the schwa. Why not follow the lead of Welsh (and the lead from other conlangs), and use y for a schwa? One could then SENSIBLY use /î/ for [i], since you could conceivably view it as a long [I]. Using û for [@] schwa is just baffling unles sone remembers that funny little English orthography trick where we can use /u/ for [@]. But since English is the only language that does this, û simply continues to be not only mystifying, but overdone for a schwa. Schwas tend to be lax vowels as opposed to vowels in their own right, and therefore it's nice to use a very small nondescript vowel for them. Adding a circumflex accent or ANY accent onto a vowel makes it stand out, and thus defeats the ninja agenda of the schwa.
I will give Teonaht points for the following things: it has the lateral fricative [K], which I should just marry at this rate, and it distinguishes four (sometimes five) liquids: [l] [r:] [r'] [4] and sometimes [R].

Klingon breaks rule 5.
It gets a pass on rule 1 because it uses the apostrophe for a glottal stop. And yet, and yet, Klingon does the doofiest thing imaginable: capitalization. If you thought it was using capitals to try to follow rule 2, look at its trigraph /tlh/ for by darling [K] when it could have used /L/ or /T/. It also uses /gh/ and /ng/ when it could use /G/ and /N/, so it doesn't even stick with its wonky system. And although /i/ does indeed represent [I], it is not contrastive with /i/ and [i] since [i] does not exist. And since /e/ is [E], why not write it /E/? Le sigh. I know that Klingon was constructed to be alien and unwieldy, but this is just ridicudonkulous.

Lojban is the reason rule 1 exists.
I could aim my hatred of apostrophe abuse at every single highschool fantasy authour who has "a language", but I'll abstain because they just don't know any better. Lojban should. For the language that strives to be logical, it dries me up the wall with illogical orthography. Lojban uses /'/ for [h]. Lojban does not use /h/. Why not use /h/ for [h]? IS IT THAT HARD? I know that /'/ serves a grammatical purpose, but it doesn't serve any less of a purpose if it is spelled /h/. And once you guys decide to spell [h] with an /h/, you can use /'/ for the glottal stop like everyone else instead of using a goddamn FULL STOP (period).

I shouldn't rag on Solresol, but I will. Do Re Mi Fa Sol La Si : /D/ /R/ /M/ /F/ /S/ /L/ Si/. Why in the word not better distinguish sol and si? Since Sol and Si both start with s, this makes us write out /S/ and /Si/ when the dang language should just have seven letters. Perhaps using Ti for Si (which would let us use /T/) hadn't been invented yet in France at Solresol's conception, but the language could still use /I/ to stand for Si.

Wenedyk loses because it decided to use the Polish alphabet in its orthography. I have nothing against the Polish language, but fo srs, hooks? Remember the last time conlangs decided to borrow from Polish? Yeah, ESPERANTO. And look how that turned out:

I know that Esperanto is a very divisive thing. Some people love it, some people hate it. I would feel nothing for it if only certain things about it didn't just stick in my craw. For now I'll just extrapolate onto the most obvious craw-sticker: Esperanto orthography. Zamenhof decided to make up letters not found in any widely spoken language. The idea of one letter per phoneme is great. Really really excellent, rule 2. But Esperanto decided to adhere to rule 2 by breaking rule 3.
ĝ (g circumflex) is a letter which is only used in one natural language: Aleut. In aleut, it stands for [G] (reasonably). Esperanto uses it for [dZ] and thus breaks rule 4 and 5. When Zamenhof made Esp[eranto, there were no typewriters ANYWHERE that had a ĝ key.
ĉ (c circumflex) is a completely made up letter not used anywhere. FGSFDS.  It stands for [tS] by the way.
ĥ (h circumflex) is a completely made up letter not used anywhere.  It replaces [x], which is often written /x/, /ch/, /or /kh/.  Even Zamenhof allowed /hh/ as a substitution.  As a matter of fact, Zamenhof often use +h systems for his altered letters, and they work JUST FINE like that as digraphs, so why the hell not just stick to that system fo srs.
Look, I could keep on going, but there's no point.  ESPERANTO IS BROKEN.  There are plenty of people who have proposed good alternatives.  I won't burden the net with another one but fo srs KJADHSAJKGEARAKRU,E. ARGLBLARGL.

SO, in conclusion, Kelen has my hearts.  This was Che Conlangua, complaining a susual in order to revolutionise orthography.  Viva!

For those who don't read J-rock humour, I present my latest post. Because I am proud of it and spent a while on it.

For those coming over here from there because they read about something concerning me and SONY:  The story behind this post is obviously fake (as is the post itself).  I don't work for SONY or with L'Arc.  I'm just a poor jobless artist trying to find work and stave off my own inevitable misery with silly photoshopping.  Please check out my webcomic.

Yeah, I know I'm late to this whole Sea Kittens debaucle, but after hearing about it, I could take no more. So I sent off the following message to Mr. David Eisenhauer of the U.S> Fish and Wildlife Service. I'm not a scientist, so I may have gotten a few specific words or particulars wrong, but I think that in general, this message counts and delivers the broad an important message well: fish are dumb, fish are healthy, fish are good for the economy. Presented below is the text of my letter. If you want to stop sea kitten abuse, aka letting this sea kitten thing run too far, please join me and compose a letter of your own. Yeah, don't just copy mine. They'll probably appreciate short e-mails better anyway. Anyway, on with the show, and may we all dine on delicious sea kittens soon, of we so wish to! Because that's what your diet should be: your choice. Vegan, vegetarian, or meat eater: it's YOUR CHOICE.
( Read more... )

Hey, guess what? I've been memetagged by my friend Tash in a big way! A BIIIIG way!
See her post here for more information.

( Read more... )

Chef Ramsey: "So, let me get this straight." *points* "Sous Chef, Executive Chef, Sous Chef, Line Chef. You all just got beaten by a nanny, a short order cook from the Waffle House and a Pastry Chef! You aught to be ashamed!"

I've been reading "Notre-Dame de Paris." I loves me some Victor Hugo. And I regret to admit that I'm turning into one of those creepy Frollo fans. He's a wonderfully complex, sympathetic, and tragic character. And Disney... uh... turned him into a Nazi (kill the gypsies!). Good going, guys. Okay, okay, Disney DID keep his sense of inner conflict, but they also jettisoned most of what made him sympathetic in the book. Disney also cut out his LOUT of a younger brother.
The most embarrassing part about my newly kindled love for Frollo is that he reminds of Sakura in the "good but strange guy, assured of his own virtue/coolness/alchemy, who gets tragically destroyed by his own pent-up misery which turns him to sin/drugs/alchemy" way. Not that my mental image of Frollo has long black hair and alabaster skin or anything. No, as Hugo clearly illustrated in lithograph in my picture-can-has edition, Frollo has SHORT black hair and alabaster skin, like 2002 Sakura. *crossarms* Only Frollo doesn't get a Zigzo, which is a shame.

So, I've been writing "The High Priest of Stardust" for a while now, and it hit me that if it got turned into a Disney Movie, something very similar would happen! They'd make a villain out of Sakura Sunflower, despite the fact that I was actually THIS close to making the book all about Sunflower as a tragic antihero! I stopped myself short of self-indulgence, although he-she-it still remains a somewhat Sue-y character. Also, a book all about a shoggoth black builder would be REALLY offputting to a human audience... or any audience for that matter. Hard to connect with, yanno?

So lessee... how would it all work out? And just how many musical numbers would there be?
Disney's "Xutswi Sen" is the story of a boy (haha no hermaphrodites here) who finds out that he is a space-bee. Along with his spunky friends, he tries to get back to space where he belongs, building a rocket. But the evil Black Builder and his corrupt policemen seek to keep him from lift-off so they can uhhh... eat him or something. In the novel, the bad guys (such as they could be called that) are actually trying to HELP Xutswi go into outerspace so that they can use him to awaken their super-powers. But that's way too complex for Disney.
So I guess Wakara gets turned into a girl... which would make him happy... because he has to be the main love interest. And Kat will definitely merge with Ffeef (xutswi's pet salawa) to become the cute talking animal sidekick. And Cute gets turned into a girl too so you can have a useless love triangle, and of course Teomi (cute's love interest) gets cut completely. Because all black builders are now Always Chaotic Evil. And Xutswi will get a personality replacement, because no Disney Hero is allowed to be a misanthropic (in that he hates/patronizes/eats humans), scholarly, somewhat socially inept programmer. Oh, and no other mi-go space-bees allowed; unlike in the book he can't have sex for species procreation yet still love Wakara. Maybe they'll turn Wakara into a late-blooming lady space-bee. And lastly, Nug and Nyarlathotep get complimentary brain-removal so that they can be bumbling villain henchmen. :/

First to get this out of the way: I have abdicated from the teaching program due to the staff being incompetent and the professors practically pushing me out through unfair grading of projects and essays into which I put my all. Also, they are ill-bred idiots who are either unaware of or actively spiteful toward British spelling.* FGSFDS, and it is over. Thassall.
*This statement does not apply to Dr. Thomas, who is intelligent, fair, and honourable.

Now for Ya's bi-annual "if I were president" post: "Ya's Presidential Crack Team"

1. Ron Paul, for better or for worse.
Now before you all go screaming "Aaaaah! Not Ron Pauuuul!! The libertarians are heeeere!" please note that my point is to represent views that are "out of the way," and otherwise underrepresented. Yes, Ron Paul has a bunch of bad and unrealistic ideas. So does everyone else, and I'd rather have fresh bad ideas than all the bad ideas of past administrations getting recycled again.

2. Shane Killian (youtube shanedk): financial advisor
Well spoken, has good progressive ideas, and actually versed in economics. Ron Paul lite? Maybe. Invaluable for being untarnished by the actual political process as well as being devoted unflinchingly to skepticism? Hell yeah!

3. Yoshiki in a dress: foreign relations advisor
Kept purely for entertainment purposes. Must contractually always wear either a dress or kimono, and a wig until his hair grows out. Wedding dresses for white tie occasions. Giggling encouraged. Also, to be practical, it'd be good to have an advisor who comes from a thoroughly foreign moral and cultural base. I'm serious about that dress thing; corsets will be good for his ailing back.

4. Nostalgia Chick: energy advisor
Face it, she's just as good or better than whoever's in charge now. Mostly I'm keeping her around in case I do something stupid so she can slap me.

5. 13Heathens and Red: official readers, public relations advisors
With their dulcet tones, they will read things to me and give press conferences. Also, they will be able to make sure that I don't say stupid things with their critical eye for hidden agendas ans bad grammar.

6. Mr. T: education advisor
Kids, stay in school. Be good to yo momma. Drink yo milk. And other platitudes and good street sense will be provided by Mr. T. Having grown up in a radically different environment compared to any of my other advisors, his input will be invaluable along with...

7. Bill Cosby: labor advisor
Surely, Bill Cosby knows about labor. Bill Cosby is full of wisdom, common sense, and dignity. Tell me he wouldn't be invaluable, I dare you.

8. a hide plushie: arts advisor
Advising me on all plushie matters and matters of cool.

9. Penn & Teller: bullshit advisors
Have you guys noticed how many "you're doing something stupid" advisors I'm getting? There's a reason: I do a lot of stupid things. Like the Yoshiki in a dress position.

10. a cat: senatorial advisor
Also a senator. A bit better than appointing a horse, and just as effective. When the cat refuses to eat dinner, it's time to cut, audit, or imprison another senator or congressman.


LET IT BE SO!

Using my prodigious voice acting talents, I warp my manly man's voice to that of a little girl in my very first Youtube video! Introducing: The Conlang Singer.

If you'd like a song sung in any conlang, e-mail putti_plush@yahoo.com with the following:
1. A romanization (latin alphabet) of the lyrics, and directions on how to pronounce the romanization.
2. A link to a video or an mp3 of the song, just in case I don't know the tune.
3. OPTIONAL a midi version of the song to sing over and have in the background.
4. OPTIONAL any picture you'd like me to use in the video.

( Hope this works )

EPIGENETICS ZOMG. Sorry to spam my journal, but, well, EPIGENETICS! Molecules turn on and off gene expression! Diet of the mother a direct factor! THIS IS AWESOMELY AMAZING.

You all may be surprised that I have in fact joined

really interesting tests! My scores so far:
moderate association of males with science and females with liberal arts
slight association of european americans as foreign and native americans as american

the one problem I have with these tests is the damn E I key thing, because the way that it's presented gets your brain used to certain associations and then breaks them. With me, it's not so much unconscious association with stereotypes as it is "DAMMIT THAT CHOICE USED TO BE ON THE OTHER SIDE DAMMIT."

vaidorazeta no fan (by hirasawa susumu)

luq otla no sola mi, mawarate ha no davaj no kamabuxi mi
kyo zei a kyo zei mi boku no koetlarate tao ba vuj o uubra
honou mi moe o penra duei siibsurate fan o tazira
yukihilo mi qiismeta lui sa na a sannai a mucut mi azacoura

kye a nemu ba vumeteta duei et qahar no koe a lialumeta
ikuzei tij ikuzei tij, lelu sen no tao o koetlameta tao
ofugou mi bitman zin a hiizetmeteta imi o gezoura
lougixi mi lougixi mi azabaiku no jun moele a dansera

aa, mantoru daicousetu mi honou o juurrate
abanzeta mi nuusrate luile o himuradei
aa, xizu tubeu, xizu tubeu, fan no viziibzeta ba
aa, sannai no kyoutou mi leu a qeirate matao

luq otla sora, xu mi japarmeta zei no moera luvura no kumo kei-el
kyo zei dei, kyo zei dei, kyo tao mi leqmeteta duei o vumeta
rururate no nemu yaoyora, fuur o tazirate tao o focra
kawagixi mi kawagixi mi, azabaiku no jun hii ha a vimeta


Paprika = amazing movie. Ending song = win.
Also FINALS DEAR SWEET SAKUHAI GUH.

What's the point of living?

I've lived a good life. I was relatively successfull. I got all A's in college. I was happy. I'm not happy anymore, not since this stupid boondoggle of grad school. I pretend to be happy for other people, but I haven't been happy in months. One thing after another keeps happening, and I'm just not happy. What do I exist for? I'm trying to train to be a teacher, but all I get is a run-around. Stupid forms, stupid COMMUTES. STUPID ASSIGNMENTS. I don't care about this! I don't care about any of it! I want it all to stop!
I'm sych a loser. I can't do anything right. I can't get to class on time, I can't do my assignments right, I can't even try or pretend to care. I have reached the end of my ability. I can't even draw anymore. What's the point of having my stupid website? no one reads it. no one will read it because I am inept. It'll never become a cartoon, it'll never even sell, because I am inept and everything I do is worthless. I've just turned into a post-anime-shit-tard. I can't do anything on time anymore. Why should I even try?
I feel like I need people to walk me through things even though I try to be self sufficient. It's just that they keep changing the rules on me! They keep changing our class times, they keep changing our assignments, they keep changing when we have to show up places, I'M TIERED OF IT! I want it all over.
I have lived a very good life up to this point, why should I try for more? There's no point. I'm just going to fail. I think I need more Zoloft.
I have cried often. One week i cried every day. I am crying again. I can't keep this up, I can't cry anymore. I don't want to jump through hoops for these people. I'm broke, I'm miserable, and my room is a mess because I can't be bothered to arrange it. My internet is non-existant and I have to walk to the library to get any. I have brief moments of contentment watching nature. I have brief moments of contentment living in my own fantasy-land of thought. But these are becoming fewer, rarer. And every time I try to run away and tell myself to focus on my happy thoughts, the lingering gheist of "but there will still be all this work to do later" pops up, and I can't ignore it.
I hate the feeling that I can't handle this. I hate it. I like to be in control, on top, but I'm not any more. I'm not controlling my destiny, I'm jumping through hoops for the people who are controlling my life and trying to turn me into a test subject for their new program. Stop it! Teach me what I need to know! Help me pass my teacher's exams! THAT IS ALL I WANT. I want my certification! I don't care if I'm enriched, and I don't care for rubbing elbows and making your stupid program look good. I want to help children, not adults. That's why I started a children's comic, and that's why I want to be a teacher, because I want to improve this bleak future.
Unfortunately, the future just gets bleaker, and I hate it, and I hate myself. i don't want to do this any more. I'm a burden on others. I need other people to drive me, I need other people to pay for me, I need other people to help me run my life. What is the point of living as this gigantic burden?

I want to run a game next quarter. I like playing RPGs with my friends. Maybe it'll make me happy. It'll take up a lot of my time; do I even have the time? I just want to be happy and see other people happy.
I'm tiered of discussing my opinions with my class. My thoughts are NOT for sale, they are NOT for review. My motives and intentions are my own. My innermost thoughts are MY OWN, I am TIERED of having them dragged out of me for a grade. I'M TIERED OF ANSWERING QUESTIONS FOR THESE PEOPLE! NO.. YOU TELL ME WHAT THE ANSWER IS; YOU'RE THE TEACHER! You're not even using the Socratic Method, so shut up when you ask "Well what do you think about..." and "Well if you could what would you do in this situation?" I don't know. I have no way of knowing. I am not a teacher. THIS IS WHY I AM TAKING YOUR STUPID CLASS SO TELL ME THE ANSWERS.
SETH ET HOLTH! "Give us the answers! Somewhere in this world there must be the answers to all our questions." "Let the lights of this world die now."
"For life, for love, forever." That's what I feel like. I don't want to do this anymore. I can't stay free my misery any longer. Not even for the love of hide can I contain my tears and melancholy.
I want it all to be over with; I don't want to be a burden. I'm tiered of crying.

I never listen to American radio on my own. My only exposure is either in a car or when I used to be able to hook up my false tooth to a transmitter, which I did for giggles. Since I've been carpooling a lot recently, I have been exposed to American radio more. Most of it does not please me. But this afternoon, coming back from my GACE Computer Skills exam, a song came on the radio which immediately peaked my interest. I thought "Zilch on American radio?" But no, it was Flobots (as the announcer identified). I immediately went online and I am in love.
Putti_Plush has been known to share with his readers better-than-the-usual rap. Here is another of my updates in this genre which is too often misrepresented. Yup folks, Flobots may be mostly white, but they are good rap. They have an actual message, they have musical complexity on top of vocal precision. And for my readers who know these things, the fact I could momentarily confuse them for Zilch is a very good thing.
ninjaedit: Also one of their members is a female violinist. Kick-ass points recieved.

1. Russia! Best tune. Just hearing it makes me patriotic. And I'm not Russian. Sure, it's lyrics aren't as awesome as #2 on the list, speaking of general glories, the pride of the fathewrland, and such, but I honestly can't get this tune out of my head some days. Plus, when properly performed it requires gigantic choirs and the ringing of the church bells. Now that is bad ass, almost as bad ass as canon fire. (come on boys, you can fit that in too!) Slavsya!
[Yes I know I've blathered about the Russian Anthem before, but trust me, it's just THAT fantastic.]
2. France! Best lyrics. Let's face it, anthems are about patriotism, and nothing says patriotism like "Invade us and we will SPILL YOUR BLOOD. For Liberty!" now if only we could combine these lyrics with #1's tune. That would be THE anthem. Maybe once we have to fight our intergalactic invaders, we can do this, and be all EARTH #1 WE WILL MESS YOU UP IF YOU TRY TO INVADE US! Back to the Marseillaise, it ALSO has a kick ass tune! Definitely deserves second place, if not first. Only my personal fondnesses have placed Marseillaise at #2; I would not argue with someone who would put it at #1.
3. European Union. Would be #1 because it's the god drat 9th symphony, but it's technically a conglomeration of countries, so it had to go to #3. This is the backup tune to drive back the invaders, and we abso-diddi-lutely must get giant screens to project Evangelion in the background to scare our invaders shitless: YES WE HAVE THIS TECHNOLOGY. (remember folks, it's a SECRET that we don't actually have the technology, help us Earthlings fool them with bravado!) Oh and if we use this theme to drive back invaders, none of this namby pamby shit about human joy: Marseillaise-type bloody lyrics will be a must.
4. Israel! Hatikvah is a gorgeous and haunting tune. In the case that our galactic invaders enslave us or send us as slaves to the stars, adopt this one. (Not to sound culturally insensitive, but would that displacement of our race from our planet make humans Space Jews?) We will mournfully keen our way through the stars with hope in our hearts.
5. Still uncertain; will edit.

Some days I believe hide's mind worked this way:
"
Can we add naked / scantily clad / suggestively clad girls to this?
Yes? Awesome.
Do it.
Can they be all up ons / groping me?
BETTAR.
And can I look like a woman, sort of, at the same time; well of course. My life rules.
And there will be alcohol involved somewhere or I'm not doing it.
...
Shit, I get away with so much shit. >:3
...
Okay, can we add just like, one more topless girl?
Yes?
*:)*
Awesome. "

Parrots do anything; chimps get the credit.
Parrots do anything chimps can do too.

culture: check
use tools: check
copy others: check
use language: check
solve puzzles: check

So remind me, why are chimps so much better than parrots? Give those grey parrots some more time folks; you'll see what they can do. They are not hindered by emotionalism. Se puede, parrots, se puede! I for one welcome our avian masters.

Mucc did a cover of the truly lovely song "tsubasa kudasai." Since I knew that name would get y'all to pay attention, I used it. The original artist is actually Hideaki Tokunaga.
Been a long time since a Translation log! I'm working on a case study right now, and yeah I've been dead lately, but that's because this master's degree is EATING MY LIFE. But as you all know, when the going gets tough, and the classes ask me to write boring reports, by idea of a break is a translation log. So here you go.

si ma tono coii a hounaxi nalba...
ot ourla no youni, houe'ii a hoxii.
kyono hadaka dou sa so o zuuhqe mi
kagayaki e'ii o cutra kudazayi.
kyo daiseu sola mi e'ii o eipanra.
koko ba habiraveudei.
ximianai ziyuu no sola ei feikuxi.
hatameqe e'ii no ij ikuraveu.

fandao mi vumeta nemu a revenra.
ma tij meim nemu mi boku o vumurade.
kyo daiseu sola mi e'ii o eipanra.
koko ba ikuraveudei.
ximianai ziyuu no sola ei feikuxi.
hatameqe e'ii no ij ikuraveu.

The song was originally in Japanese, now in Viisyal, and it's ridiculous how many cognates there are. For example a comparison of the first line of the verse and last line of the chorus:
Japanese: Ima watashi no negaigoto ga kanau naraba.
Viisyal: Si ma tono coii a hounaxi nalba.
Japanese: Tsubasa hatamekase yukitai.
Viisyal: Hatameqe e'ii no ij ikuraveu.
Cognates: ima/ma no/no ga/a naraba/nalba yuku/ikura

It was kind of weird translating this, since Viisyal is an Orla language, aka a language possessed by people who normally have wings. I had to write it from the (admittedly heartbreaking) perspective of a wingless Orla (and not a pregnant one either). References to wanting wings like a bird were changed to "wings like the other orlas." A few other minor changes were made to reflect this perspective.

Total cognates: ima/ma no/no ga/a hontou/hou naraba/nalba hoshii/hoxii no youni/no youni kono/kyono hadaka/hadaka dou/dou sole/so wo/o ni/mi kagayaki/kagayaki kudasai/kudara sola/sola he/ei koko/koko hatameku/hatamera yuku/ikura nemuri/nemu boku/boku dekiru/dekira
BECAUSE NO ONE WILL NOTICE.